Lockdown library

How is everyone?

It’s been a bit of a time hasn’t it? I keep feeling like someone took the snow globe of my life and gave it a good shake. Things have settled now but nothing is quite how it was before.

Confession time, though: I haven’t really minded lockdown. Of course I’m immensely privileged to be able to say that, but after the initial few weeks of crippling anxiety, I’ve been ok. Now we can see friends again, I’m quite enjoying the slower pace of life. It certainly suits my body more – something to think about in the future, I suppose.

That being said, the past four months seem to have spanned a few years. Thinking of the things I watched or read in those early weeks feels like remembering the distant past. I think time has taken on a strange detached quality, but I’m more content than usual to just let it pass, to observe rather than try to harness it.

Maybe it’s because I’ve filled the time with enough books for several years. I’ve read and and and read There have been some novels – An American Marriage was exquisite and hauntingly suited to the moment – but mostly I’ve been reading nonfiction. Malcolm Gladwell featured strongly, and Matt Haig’s books on mental health really resonated with me. I keep lending them to people with a ridiculous urgency, but they feel so important to me.

If not now then when will I read the tomes I’ve long eyed? So I finally read Sapiens (it’s not great, really, is it?) and I’m finally tackling a shameful gaping hole in my knowledge with a hefty book on the history of Africa since independence, which is fascinating and horrifying in equal measure. On the To Read pile is another about the Middle East and one about the Troubles – other cheerier subjects also feature – so at least I’ll come out of lockdown more informed than I went in.

Books, both in the reading and the buying, have been my singular joy in these disturbing times. I have become a person who reads the book section of the Saturday paper (incidentally, please buy the paper) and who has a list of books I want to order. Sometimes I feel guilty that I am adding to the pile much quicker than I am getting through it, but why feel guilty about the little things that bring you happiness when the world feels big and scary.

A day with a book leaves me much less anxious than a day in front of the telly, even though in the midst of a panic attack telly is often the only thing that can help. Reading makes the good part of my brain, the part excited by information and not by feelings of doom, light up and push aside the part that feels like a spinning top.

With my job being literally, as friends like to say, to do the news, there have been a few times during the pandemic when I’ve half considered packing it all in to become a librarian. I wouldn’t really, but I hope that as things return to a new kind of normal, I remember that solace can always be found in a book.

In the meantime, I can be found at Foyles, building my lockdown library.

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